Coping with holiday stress

Many people look forward to the end-of-year holiday season as a time of joy and good cheer as they gather with loved ones.

Many others have to deal with unwanted “guests”: stress, anxiety, loneliness, and depression.

Increased demands (even positive ones) of shopping, holiday parties, family reunions, and houseguests can be considerable sources of stress. There are unrealistic expectations, family traditions, and other challenges to navigate during the holidays.

Some families may be mourning the death of a loved one(s) who passed away in the last year. People can experience increased feelings of grief and loss during the holidays. These feelings can be heightened for people spending their first holiday season without a loved one(s).

“There is often a feeling that everyone is having the perfect holiday and then there’s you. Advertisements and social media feed into that with photos of people in matching Christmas pajamas or wearing Santa hats. That’s just window dressing. You don’t know what’s going in the families you are envious of and admire. Things are not always what you see on the surface,” explained HFC Counselor Dr. Brenda Hildreth.

Your mental and physical health are top priority

We recommend you not force yourself to be happy or celebrate. That will only exacerbate your feelings of stress, anxiety, loneliness, and depression. It is okay not to feel happy, said Hildreth. Put your own mental and physical health and well-being first. Understand and recognize your triggers to help prepare you for stressful situations, such as shopping, cooking, traveling, socializing, loneliness, or other factors. What is it that’s making you feel so depressed or anxious? Once you recognize your triggers, you can take steps to avoid these stressors and cope with them.

During the holiday season, check in with a support group, a therapist, or a faith community. If you are in therapy, do not use the demands of the holidays as an excuse not to see your therapist, especially as the holidays can bring difficult emotions. Keeping regularly scheduled therapy sessions should be a top priority. If you are going out of town, ask your therapist about attending sessions virtually or speaking by phone.

“As lonely as you may feel during the holidays, you are far from alone,” said Hildreth.

Some strategies for reducing holiday stress are below.

Focus on the moment

You will find it freeing to let go of the past. As circumstances in your life change – especially if you’re spending the holidays without a loved one(s) for the first time – you change and your holidays change, too. You don't need to rely on what you and your family did for many years, nor try to recreate it.

Try not to be disappointed if your holidays are not the way they used to be. Each holiday season is different and can be enjoyed in its own unique way. You set yourself up for sadness and disappointment if you decide that everything should be just like it was in the past. Take this time to create now traditions as you move forward. Don’t be afraid to try new things. It may be different, and that can be good.

It’s okay to say no

Setting boundaries is very helpful. Try not to take on more than you can handle, especially if it causes you stress. Deal with problems head-on in situations that you know will be stressful. It is okay to say no when something doesn't appeal to you or doesn't feel right.

Set realistic goals

Perfection is not a goal. Having unrealistically high standards and expectations will only increase your stress level and unhappiness.

Keep expectations for the holiday season manageable by not trying to make any holiday “the best ever.” Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Set realistic goals for yourself and pace yourself. Manage your time and don’t try to do too much, so you will not feel overwhelmed.

Prioritize self-care

Find time for yourself. What do you do to de-stress? Options might include movies, the gym, reading, taking walks, getting a massage, or many other ideas. Whatever your preference is, practicing self-care and partaking in things you enjoy is an important part of physical and mental health and well-being.

Exercise

Exercise increases endorphins, which stimulate your immune system. Exercise reduces stress and anxiety. It also elevates your mood.

Relaxation

Spend time relaxing, whether it’s journaling, meditating, yoga, deep breathing, getting a massage, or getting a mani-pedi. Taking a hot shower or bath can alleviate your stress. Bath bombs and shower melts deliver luxurious aromas while relaxing the mind and body.

Get plenty of sleep

Getting plenty of adequate rest is important. Not getting enough sleep will only increase your stress level and make you irritable. The Calm app is one of many tools you can download on your phone to help your quality of sleep and reduce your stress and anxiety levels.

Limit exposure to people who stress you out

There is often someone who seems to make things more difficult for you. People can say offensive things or bring up controversial topics. Do your best to limit your exposure to people like this. Go to another room, find someone else to talk to, or decline to engage in controversial or painful discussions. Remember that no one "wins" political or social arguments. You can decide not to participate in them.

Spend the most time with people who will lift your spirits. Talk about topics that are positive for everyone: children, life successes, or other sources of joy and connection.

Confide in close friends and family if something is bothering you. Or reach out with a positive message for someone you haven’t been in touch with for a long time.

Get some fresh air

Need to break away from family during a holiday party? Stepping out into the fresh air can help. Weather and location permitting, head outdoors for a refreshing walk.

Watch your diet

During the holiday season, there are often goodies, whether at home, the office, or other people’s homes. Be thoughtful about what you eat, especially because eating well can also stabilize your mood. However, if you do overeat or partake in too many holiday sweets or treats, don't punish yourself for that. It's OK. Just make a plan to make good decisions once the holiday treats are gone.

Keep in mind that you do not have to eat food you do not like. You don't have to clean your plate! And if there are leftovers that you do not want to eat, don't eat them. It's OK to dispose of food that is unappealing, even if someone gives it to you.

Avoid poor coping strategies

Drugs and alcohol may seem tempting, but they absolutely will not help you reduce stress or feel better. Make a plan to stay busy doing things with family or friends, getting out in nature, watching movies, reading, or doing other things that are appealing and do not involve drugs or overusing alcohol. If you are prone to drinking too much, make some non-alcoholic beverages that you can enjoy during the holidays. Keep in mind that there are readily available support groups that can help you any day of the week if you need it.

An attitude of gratitude

Consider keeping a gratitude journal and writing down good things that are happening in your life, especially during a challenging year. This will improve your perspective, mental health, and well-being.

Volunteer your time

Local charities, soup kitchens, homeless shelters, food banks, and other non-profit organizations are often looking for volunteers. Contact an organization near you and ask if they need help during the holiday season.

Reframe your thinking

Make an effort to consider stressful situations from a positive perspective. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member if you need help re-framing what is happening.

“Shift your focus to making someone else’s holiday happy. For example, invite an elderly neighbor over for coffee or out to brunch or shovel their driveway,” said Hildreth. “Instead of focusing on what you’re feeling, it's good to ask yourself, ‘How can I make someone else happy?’ You would be amazed how much this helps.”

Help is out there

If you try these suggestions and you find you still need more support, visit the HFC Counseling team in Room A-117 or Room A-125 in the Learning Success Center (Building A on the main campus) during regular office hours from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Contact Counseling at 313-845-9611 or counseling@hfcc.edu.

You can also call one of the following agencies:

• Mental Health America: Call 800-985-5990
• Suicide and Crisis Line: Call 988
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 800-273-8255